Finding The Perfect Relationship

love hearts
Image by duncan via Flickr

What makes a “perfect” relationship? First and foremost there has to be love. What is love? It means caring more for another person than I do for myself. The “purer” or “truer” the love the more extreme that dynamic becomes.

Pure and true love is non-existent in the material world. How can I say that? Because all of us are “hardwired” with survival instincts on physical, practical and emotional levels. This hardwiring results from our attachments to the illusions of who we think we are and are not. Being hardwired with a certain unavoidable amount of selfish instinct, it is not possible to experience true and pure love in a material relationship.

Alright, then. What makes a perfect material relationship?

Again, love, but this time normal love; relative love. Relative to what? Relative to our compatibility.

When we meet a person who is extremely compatible with us, we “fall in love.” Why? Because we have complimentary desires, conceptions, feelings and practical situations. When we meet a person whose desires compliment our own we fall in love as a result of compatibility.

A “perfect” relationship in this world is one in which the two partners have a great deal of compatibility in all four areas: desires, conceptions, feelings and practical situations.

Astrology of Compatibility

Venus is the planet of desire. The Sun is the planet of conceptions. The Moon is the planet of feelings. The Ascendant is the point of practical situations. These are the four most important planets to asses for compatibility, particularly compatibility of a romantic flavor.

falling in love
Image by sarahracha via Flickr

When two people meet who have Venus, the Sun, the Moon, and the Ascendant in “compatible” astrological configurations they feel they have met “the one” for them, and fall deeply in love. When two people meet with significant incompatibility in these four areas they feel spontaneous repulsion and disgust for one another. Real problems happen in between these two extremes.

In between is where it gets really messy; when you meet a person who really is great for you on one level but terrible for you on another. For example compatible Venus may make you have undeniable mutual attraction, yet incompatible Moons will make that mutual attraction give rise mostly to emotional grief.

The value of astrologically figuring out a relationship before tying your heart-strings around someone else’s incompatibilities can not be underestimated.

Astrological Rules of Compatibility

To do compatibility astrology I first need “birth charts” for both people. A birth chart is a map of which planets were in which signs at the time a person was born. Then I evaluate the distance from an specific planet in chart of the first partner to the same planet in the chart of the second partner. For example. If both partners have Venus in Leo, I say that their Venus’s are in the same sign. If one partner has the Sun in Virgo while the other has the Sun in Leo, these Suns are one sign away from each other. If one partner has the Moon in Scorpio, and the other has the Moon in Capricorn, their Moons are 3 signs apart. If one has the Ascendant in Taurus and the other in Scorpio their Ascendants are “opposite.”

Based on these distances I then make basic, fundamental interpretations:

Opposite – When planets are in opposite signs, for example Virgo and Pisces, you have the strongest, most compelling type of compatibility. It is a compatibility brought on by each partner providing what the other lacks and needs. It is a volatile, passionate, strong compatibility.

Same – When planets are in the same sign, you get the is the next strongest compatibility, brought on be the partners sharing things in common. It is not as exciting and dynamic as opposites, but is still strong and good.

Trine – If the planets are four signs apart they can be called “trine.” For example, Leo is trine to Sagittarius and Aries. This is a compatible situation brought about by each partner having a balance of sameness and difference on a given topic. Couples with trine compatibility will quietly, mildly but confidently understand and compliment one another.

Sextile – If the planets are 2 signs apart they are basically “sextile.” This is the least dramatic or desirable of the compatible situations. Couples with sextile compatibility do understand and compliment each other, but do so very passively. For example, Aquarius is sextile to Aries and Sagittarius.

Now, the types of incompatibility:

Neighbors – If the planets you are examining are just 1 sign apart, they are “neighbors.” For example Gemini and Aries are neighbors of Taurus. This is the least dramatic or undesirable of the incompatible situations. It causes couples to passively and mildly misunderstand and interfere with one another on the given subject.

Distance – If the planets are 5 signs apart, they are “distant.” For example Libra and Sagittarius are distant from Taurus. This is an incompatible situation which causes the couple to cancel out their energies and interfere with one another.

Clashing Square – If the planets are 3 signs away from one another they are basically “square.” For example Aries and Libra are square to Capricorn. This is the most incompatible situation. It cause the couple to have mutually strong attitudes towards the given subject, but strong attitudes that clash.

So if we have a couple with opposite Ascendants (one in Taurus the other in Scorpio), we know they have a very dynamic and attractive compatibility in practical ways. That same couple has Venus in the same sign, so we know they understand one another’s desires and share similar wants and goals in life. These two people, however, have the Sun 1 sign away from each other – which means that when it comes to their conceptions about themselves, their ego, their identity, their authority – on those topics they will run into some mild misunderstandings and interference. Finally we see that their Moon’s are sextile, so we know that their emotions and emotional outlook are not incompatible with one another. Overall it appears to be a fundamentally good relationship to pursue.

Omitted Details

Beaded Pot, Intricate Artisan Detail
Image by cobalt123 via Flickr

Now you know the basics of how relationship astrology works. Let me stress that these are the basics by pointing to some of the missing details.

It’s not only important how my Venus interacts with your Venus, for example, it is also important how my Venus interacts with your Sun, Moon and Ascendant. The same basic rules of interpretation apply. If your Ascendant is opposite my Venus, for example, we will have compelling compatibility in practical desires. In this manner, an astrologer interprets all the primary nuances of a relationship.

Finally, degrees are crucial. I have a mathematical formula to work it all out, which I will kind of guard like a “trade secret.” But basically the closer the planets are together by degree, the stronger the effect of their particular type of compatibility or incompatibility. I will give one example to help you figure out exactly what I am talking about.

Lets say my Ascendant is about 2º Capricorn, and lets say yours is about 29º Cancer. Well it looks great in one sense because Capricorn and Cancer are “opposite” so we should have the best sort of compatibility in practical (ascendant) matters. But there are 27º of distance between 2º and 29º, right? That is really far, you know, since an entire sign is only 30º in length. That much distance reduces the positive effect of our opposite ascendants pretty near to nil. But if your ascendant was much closer to 2º Cancer you and I would get the full compatibility benefit of having opposite ascendants.

This works on negative alignments too. If Your Venus is at 2º Aries and my Venus at 2º Capricorn it is the worst possible “clash” alignment. But if your Venus is instead at 29º Aries they are not in a strong clash alignment, so the negativity of the clash is minimized almost to nil.

The Divine Couple

Lets get back to talking about the perfect relationship! I mentioned that it is not possible in the material world. It is possible in the spiritual world. The perfect relationship of absolutely pure love exists in the Divine Couple: the Goddess of Devotion, Sri Radha, and the God of Love, Sri Krishna.

Now and then the divine couple manifest their spiritual relationship in the material world so we can get our priorities straight and set our sights on attaining enlightenment. This happens on time scales of hundreds of thousands of years, mind you. So saying that it occurred roughly 5,000 years ago is really saying it was quite a recent event.

Horoscope of Sri Krishna, God of Love

The only authoritative description of Krishna’s full horoscope is cited from a book called kha manik by the enlightened author Sri Vishvanath Chakravarti Thakur in his medieval commentary on the ancient Bhagavat Purana. He gives the following positions.

The Moon rising in Rohini (a portion of Taurus). Jupiter in Pisces. Mars in Capricorn. Rahu in Scorpio. Saturn and Venus in Libra. Mercury in Virgo. Sun in Leo.

Horoscope of Sri Radha, Goddess of Devotion

We know from the same line of enlightened authority that Sri Radha appears exactly one “paksha” after Krishna. That is, she appears in exactly the same phase of the Moon, except Krishna appears when it is waning and she appears while it is waxing. We also know that Krishna’s chart results from a midnight birth, and Radha’s chart results from a midday birth.

Accepting these facts from enlightened souls, to get Sri Radha’s chart all we have to do is progress Krishna’s chart about 2 weeks. However, take note that Krishna’s chart shows the two fast planets, Venus and Mercury placed near their absolute greatest distance from the Sun. Therefore they would be moving very slowly and perhaps not at all during the two weeks between Krishna’s birth and Radha’s. The Sun would have traveled 15 degrees between Krishna’s birth and Radha’s. The other planets would not have moved much at all. The Moon would be exactly opposite, in Anuradha nakshatra, which is a portion of Scorpio. Thus we can calculate Sri Radha’s chart.

Relationship Compatibility of Radha and Krishna

Their Ascendants are opposite. Their Moons are opposite. Their Venus are the Same and their Suns are the Same! Their fundamental compatibility is made of the best ingredients – sameness and opposites.

You might argue that it would be better if all four planets were opposite. But the alignment of opposites has a flaw in that it is too volatile at times. You might than argue that all four planets should be in the same signs. But the alignment of sameness has a flaw of familiarity and boredom. So the divine couple have the perfect balance of opposites and sames – getting the benefits of both and counteracting the flaws of either.

Not just the four basic relationship planets – everything in their chart is either opposite or the same, from perspective of signs or houses. Thus they have an absolute balance of the two best forms of compatibility – opposites attracting and sameness enduring.

If everything is too “perfect,” it detracts from the actual perfection because everything becomes too easy. Therefore you see some small “flaws” in the compatibility – particularly in that relationships of their Venus’ to their Ascendants. This means that a lot of practical considerations about their lives stood in the way of their being able to freely meet all the time and fulfill their mutual desires. This is the catalyst that keeps their relationship always relishable and exciting.

Relationships are best when they face obstacles that can be surmounted, small flaws. If a relationship is too easy it gets boring and flounders like an overwatered plant. If it is too difficult, it withers and dies like an unwatered plant. The small flaws of practical obstacles to their being able to meet and express their mutual love serve to make the flowering vine of their divine love an ever fresh, exciting, enjoyable, thrilling eternal relationship.

The mantra of the divine couple is:

hare krishna, hare krishna

krishna krishna, hare hare

hare rama, hare rama

rama rama, hare hare

Hare is the Goddess Radha. Krishna names her beloved as “all-attractive.” Rama names him “all-pleasing.”

Contemplating this mantra I am delighted to will find abundant beautiful symmetries which perfectly express the realities of the relationship of the Divine Couple, some of which I have just tried to express in evaluating their astrological compatibility. All the balance and symmetry in their relationship reflects in their mantra.

I particularly notice that sometimes “hare” is with “krishna” while sometimes they are separate. This overall astounding beauty and symmetry of the mantra reflects wondrously balanced beauty of their relationship compatibility – while the small balances of union and separation reflect the small apparent “flaws” which serve to heighten and excited the relationship, making it eternally new and enticing.

– Vic DiCara
© 2010 Vic DiCara, All Rights Reserved


  1. awesome article, vic!! thank you for sharing your knowledge, enlightening as always!!


  2. carlos says:

    Hi Vic,

    Interesting article. Well written 🙂

    Mars position is less important than that of Venus, Sun, Moon and ascendant?


    1. vicdicara says:

      yep. thanks


  3. Praveen says:

    Hi Vic Ji,
    So where does the Ashtkoot matching system come from? Where Varna, Vashya, Tara, Yoni, Grahamaitri, Gana, Bhakoot, Nadi and Gotra (by default) is checked?

    Thanks in advance.
    -Praveen SA


    1. vicdicara says:

      I have not studied the origins of the ashkoot system. it turned me off in the early days of my study and I have not picked up on it again since, because I am fully satisfied with the method I describe in this article.


      1. Praveen says:

        I know..Ashkoot ( and points/dosha and its cancellation) system is so unclear but its around and was confused.


      2. Praveen says:

        But the Nadi (Pitta, Vata and Kapha) worries me as it affects the children and sounds logical also. That if both parents are pitta then there is not way the child is going to get Vata elements. And a balance is needed for healthy living….


        1. vicdicara says:

          nothing about it sounds logical to me, since I think it is only based on ONE factor in the horoscopes – nakshatra of the moon.


  4. Praveen says:

    ok. By the way. Happy Janmasthami 🙂


  5. Ravi says:

    amazing article, Vic, amazing. thorough and clear.. thank you for all this work you do.


  6. carlos says:

    Hi Vic,

    Some astrologers refer the aspects between Venus and Mars as sensual atraction. It has any fundament?


  7. jesse says:

    searching over the internet i have found the date of birth of lord krishna. most of the astrology softwares authenticate this date
    please go through it and confirm if it is correct.

    19 july 3228 bc
    00:00 midnight
    27n25 77e41 local mean time.

    below is the text found with this birth details

    Rahu is in the 4th
    pada of Pushya, which falls in the Navamsa of Kuja and the drekkan of

    Since Chandra and Lagna share the same house—indeed, the same Navamsa too—the same
    results are applicable to both Lagna and Chandra Lagna. Rahu’s dispositor is Uccha, and this
    is a positive aspect of the chart. As per “Sani Vad Rahu,” it is heartening to note that Sani is a
    Raja Yoga Karaka from both Chandra and Lagna.

    From Surya Lagna, Rahu is in the 12th
    , conjunct the 9th
    lord, Neecha Vargotamma Kuja.

    Let us now consider Rahu’s Nakshatra Dispositor, Sani. Sani, as the Raja Yoga Karaka,
    aspects Lagna, Chandra, and Surya. He is also Vargotamma, which enhances his auspicious
    attributes considerably. From Surya Lagna, this is not so auspicious because Sani is the lord
    of the 6th
    and the 7th
    . However, from Surya Lagna, Sani himself is disposited by Raja Yoga
    Karaka Kuja.



    1. vicdicara says:

      This is not the correct birthchart for Krishna according to the acaryas, particularly the book Kha Manik and Srila Vishvanath Chakravarti. It will require a lot more research for me to make a statement about whether the chart the acaryas give for Krishna is a spiritual phenomenon, or an actual astronomical phenomenon. I have conducted only about half the required research at this time.

      For more, please see the “God’s Horoscope” section of


      1. Praveen says:

        Hi Vic Ji,
        Where and How is the Navamsha used, is the rules for compatibility and incompatibility, distance of the planet counted from Navamsha as well? Basically My question is what role is played by the Navamsha charts of both, specifically in area of relationships.

        Thanks in advance


        1. vicdicara says:

          I am looking forward to studying this as well. Will let you know what I find when I do.


  8. Praveen says:

    Thanks so much.


  9. Praveen says:

    Hi Vic Ji, Any idea how the “compatibility teller” software from Kala(


    1. vicdicara says:

      Haven’t tried it. Generally anything Ernst does is golden, but it is a bit user-unfriendly due to its thoroughness, complexity, and sort of “advanced ness”


Comments are closed.